Love Without Conditions

February arrives wrapped in expectations.

The month of love. The month of roses, chocolates and grand gestures. The month where we are reminded what love is supposed to look like.

Except… is that really love?
Or is it the performance of love?

February invites us to celebrate love but rarely asks us to reflect on what love actually means to us. What it feels like when it is real. What we have been withholding from ourselves.

So perhaps the question this month is not:

“Am I loved?”
Perhaps it is: “How am I loving myself?”, “Where have I made love conditional?”

Because many of us have learned to love with conditions.

The Love We Were Taught

From an early age, love often comes with rules.

Be good enough.
Be successful.
Be easy to love.
And you will be worthy.

So we adapt.

We become what we think is needed. We dim ourselves to fit. We hold our breath, waiting for permission to be ourselves.

Over time, we begin to treat ourselves the same way. We make our own love conditional on productivity, appearance and achievement. We withhold kindness when we feel we have fallen short. The breath becomes tight when we live like this, when we believe we must earn the right to rest and simply be.

This is not love. It is survival dressed as worthiness.

What Love Really Is

Love is not a performance.

It is not dependent on how much you do, how you look or how well you cope.

Love is presence. It is meeting yourself without needing to fix anything.

Love is breath. Deep, gentle breath that says: I am here. I am enough.

When you practise conscious breathing, you remind your body that it is safe, that it is allowed to soften.

That is love.

Not the conditional love we learned.
The unconditional love we deserve.

The Breath Knows

Your body already knows how to care for you. It knows when you need rest. It knows when you need release.

The breath is its language of love. Every inhale nourishes. Every exhale lets go.

Yet many of us learned to breathe shallowly, to brace, to wait until life feels easier before we soften.

But the breath creates the safety. When you breathe fully, you return to yourself, to the part of you that was never broken.

A Gentle Practice

Sit somewhere comfortable.
Place both hands on your heart.

Close your eyes and ask gently:

“Where have I been withholding love from myself?”

You do not need an answer, simply notice what arises.

Where you feel tight.
Where you feel guarded.
Where you feel unsure.

Begin to breathe into that place.

Inhale slowly, filling your belly and your chest.
Exhale with sound if it feels natural. Let it be honest.

With each breath, imagine you are breathing love into the parts of yourself that have been waiting.

Inhale:
“I am worthy of love.”

Exhale:
“Exactly as I am.”

Continue for a few minutes.

Then rest your hands on your heart and simply feel.

Notice what softens. Notice what shifts.

This is love.

Not the version you were taught.
The version your body has always known.

Love Begins Within

The love you are seeking is not outside you. It is in the breath, in the pause, in the choice to meet yourself with kindness.

This is my wish for you this February:

Not perfection, not performance, but the courage to love yourself fully and gently.

With Love and Light
Stefanie

Founder of The Oya Energy
www.theoyaenergy.co.uk